There are times when I am going along like normal and I'll hear a song and suddenly I am knocked out of my reality and for a moment or two i think about what it would have been like if you were here. Like how different life would be for me. It's as if that song is you, reaching out to just say "hey, remember me, I loved you once." And for that brief time I think about being in a different time, a different space and a fully different reality. How strange this life can be, that if the path splits and we have no choice but to take one direction, we are still left with the fantasy of what the other path could have been like. And it becomes it's own life, only a personal, private life. I could have had a normal life and because you left I have to live these 2 lives now; one seemingly real and the other what I imagine it could have been.

DREAM

The other nite I had a dream: I was performing in an alternative space and I was improvising, it reminded me of a gallery space and I had very little room to move about. All the Hollins people were there including some of my close friends, all of whom were milling about not paying the slightest bit of attention to me while I performed, as if they were at an art opening or something, drinking wine and talking in groups. People were walking through the performance space and at one point some guy starts to partner me, like contact improv stuff, and I get really angry, at which point I throw him to the ground and say "Don't you EVER mess with me while I'm dancing!!!" After the performance one of my best friends comes up to me with a glass of wine in hand and tells me how great it was, I am so irritated I look at her and say "WHAT?? you weren't even watching!!"

This may turn out to become my thesis!