There are times when I am going along like normal and I'll hear a song and suddenly I am knocked out of my reality and for a moment or two i think about what it would have been like if you were here. Like how different life would be for me. It's as if that song is you, reaching out to just say "hey, remember me, I loved you once." And for that brief time I think about being in a different time, a different space and a fully different reality. How strange this life can be, that if the path splits and we have no choice but to take one direction, we are still left with the fantasy of what the other path could have been like. And it becomes it's own life, only a personal, private life. I could have had a normal life and because you left I have to live these 2 lives now; one seemingly real and the other what I imagine it could have been.

DREAM

The other nite I had a dream: I was performing in an alternative space and I was improvising, it reminded me of a gallery space and I had very little room to move about. All the Hollins people were there including some of my close friends, all of whom were milling about not paying the slightest bit of attention to me while I performed, as if they were at an art opening or something, drinking wine and talking in groups. People were walking through the performance space and at one point some guy starts to partner me, like contact improv stuff, and I get really angry, at which point I throw him to the ground and say "Don't you EVER mess with me while I'm dancing!!!" After the performance one of my best friends comes up to me with a glass of wine in hand and tells me how great it was, I am so irritated I look at her and say "WHAT?? you weren't even watching!!"

This may turn out to become my thesis!

Quotes from Augusto Boal

"Knowledge and health are power, so economic elites try to conceal knowledge and destroy health. An ignorant and debilitated people is more easily dominated. It was US Senator Barry Goldwater who said that poverty is necessary to capitalism, since it facilitates the negotiation of salaries and conditions of work: the workers are afraid of losing their jobs."

from Legislative Theatre

Markism

I asked Mark, "Who is God?"
He replied "He takes care to Jesus and he makes neon, beautiful neon."

streams of thought...

listen to the tiny drips of anxiety seeping relentlessly from my tiny thoughts that create something but not anything real but more of a lifeline

speed along the little highways of deep resonation, depth around a pool of ever shrinking possibilities that widen this perception into a space that easily fits on the pin of a head

bottom out the corresponding virtue of a magical giant who resides in my mouth

he will not expunge the virtue of his own brilliantly flying bullet

I am a word that drips from my heart without the mindless virtue of knowing a soul exists there

Up to what?

Playing with my three year old son

Teaching & choreographing for highly talented young dancers

Creating work for MFA courses

Worrying incessantly about Tommy's paper

Creating performance opportunities for my dancers

Occasionally trying to hang out with friends

reading, reading, reading (loving Sensorium)

Family is tight and I am so grateful for all of them: Mom, Ann, Wayne, Dad

Compiling dance phrases from class for thesis work

Watching the gorgeous fall colors

Journey of the Water Woman

Expanded Field project

Water as transformer of reality.
Soften the gaze and the scene changes
sharpen the focus and it returns
Allow, just simply allow, and something
else altogether happens.